I was watching the water running faster and faster and I kept saying to myself, I am at the edge this is the way the water is moving and the way I should be moving in. I looked up and picked a leaf from a nearby tree and at the count of three I dropped the leaf and followed it.
It was amazing, I mean how often does one get to let go even for a few seconds and jump off a cliff. I wanted to scream, there was no time to think and for a second when I hit the water, I thought I am never gonna come out and when I did, I was cold, I was shaking and I was petrified. It was also the (or one of the) most satisfying moments in my life.
I am afraid of heights to begin with. When my friends told me we are going to the Cascade (French for water falls), I didn’t really think that we will be hanging out on the top of a freshwater fall with the purpose of jumping off a 10 meters cliff. But when I saw everyone jumping off, I couldn’t stop thinking of how liberating that would be, I knew I was going to do it even though I didn’t actually believe it.
I knew that if I didn’t jump, I was gonna regret it and after I did, all I could I think of is how irrational the human mind can be. Jumping off a cliff is terrifying, there are no two ways about it, yet rationally it does not make any sense. The cliff is high but the water is running and it is deep enough not to be hurt but not deep enough to drown in it and there were a dozen of people who would come get me if I didn’t come out. No to mention, many are jumping at my sight and coming out of the water just fine.
The human mind is funny – really! All I really needed is to do is take the leap. Standing at that edge for 15 + mins, I knew I was going to jump and after jumping well there is no going back, it was simply that second. And it is somehow like this in life. The difference is that here, there was no going back.
When I think about the major decisions I have made recently, most of which consisted of moving across continents and oceans, I knew they were reversible. I know they were going to happen, but I also knew that I could always not board that plane or I could come back.Even though the leap was even before that. It was always the decision that was the leap even though, I knew there are few hoops still to jump over before this is a reality but I always know that once my decision is made it is made. I never not boarded a plane or stayed less than planned because it was not the right decision.
It is funny what the things we do can tell us about ourselves and how we live our lives. I would never just go to a waterfall and jump off on my own, in fact on that same day, I wouldn’t jump off a short bridge, but the fact that I ended up there and everyone I was with jumped made it impossible for me not to. Perhaps, it is stubbornness or pride, or simply the chaos I am living in. I don’t really know, but what I do know is that jumping off a cliff was never on my to-do list and I did it.