I started writing this as I sit in a transatlantic flight from Paris to Montreal. Those are the last few hours of my vacation of six weeks. It was divided between observing and reflecting on past and future issues with family in Lebanon and an incredible week of catching up with amazing friends, and swimming in the Atlantic in France.
As this airplane brings back home to Canada, it brings me into a considerably different reality than when I left. I left an employee of the government with a quite life and not nearly as interesting as I’d want it to be. Now I go back and I have a full schedule, as of 12 hours later, of journalism classes, CYD retreat and meetings and organising and actions.
I left because I needed a break to relax and think, maybe read and write and get back in shape to a somewhat eventful year compared to the last couple. I succeeded in some of these objectives.
I am happy to recharge my energy so I can take a stab at excelling at my new adventure and enjoying the process while at it. I have to admit however, that even though I tried it has been difficult to consult with myself and assess the situation over the long period. While I am all excited and hopeful to jump into this new adventure, I had a hard time identifying the long term benefits of this move, especially as it relates to my “reimplication” at full-length in the activist community.
While I never fully stepped away, I have not been very involved in the “movement” in the last two of years. This was partially due to my work and conflict of interest, but it was also a personal reaction to the multiple defeats of campaigns that I participated in. While I am certainly more mature and aware of the challenges, I have not taken the time to think it through and define my personal objectives.
I know my convictions, and now I know better than to base success on immediate results. I am also very cautious to make the difference between the “movement” and my minuscule role in it, and I hope that this means I am more “equipped” to deal with the defeats and not get lost in the momentum of a success. Perhaps, for now this is the most I can control.
Things can go in multiple different ways that it is difficult to have a clear idea of what to expect from the future. May be I fear the unknown and I certainly fear the defeats despite expecting them. However, I realise that I chose a more difficult road and I am confident that it is the right choice, as I have not yet given my best to the cause and it is never too soon for that!